English/American greetings of epically-dumb proportions

Have you ever really noticed how many greetings there are in the English language? Check it outttt:

• Whats up? (classic)
• How goes it?
• How's my favorite person?
• Yo.
• Yo yo!
• Hi. (classic)
• Hello. (classic)
• Hiya! (slightly less classic but still classic nonetheless)
• Brother!
• Bro!
• Dude!
• My budddyyy friendddd! (my favorite XD)
• How are you?
• Friendo!
• My bestest buddy!
• (prep)Biffle!
• (prep)BFF!
• (prep)My BFFEAE!(Best Friend For Ever And Ever)
• How does your life go?
• Whats the good word?
• *high five*
• *windmill high five*
• *up slap down slap high five*
• *high five, miss* psych!
• *high five, miss, stroke hair* My hairrrr!
• *high five, miss, stroke hair* My squirrel!

Why do we greet each other so crudely? And funnily for that matter...

Humans are weird.

Your chipmunk,

~ Geraldine